I took my kids to see a movie tonight. I sat next to my 10 year old, who can’t sit still. He rocks back and forth and moves constantly. But he has improved a lot in recent years and can kind of control his vocalizations so isn’t making noise constantly. But I had this eerie feeling about him tonight, while I tried to help him through the movie - like he was a different race of being than my other kids. I don’t usually feel that way about autism.
It’s a strange place to be in, to know you placed your kids on a conveyor belt that snatched the peace and well being from some of them. Snatched the very light out of their eyes.
I don’t believe in self-flagellation. I do believe in atonement, though. And it may never be enough.
The whole system is just evil and we all play along with it. I have as well. Had complicity in the system. You can't even 100% avoid it, pay your taxes and they will be used to man the conveyor belt. I cannot lie, I am incredibly bitter, and since finally realised that the monstrous practise of vaccination can never be anything other than a fraud all I want to do is destroy the system that created this
I have two autistic boys. One of them (the 10yo) is the boisterous kind. The kind that people have genuine affection for because he has genuine affection for other people. HIs older brother is the darker kind. The tortured kind. He hurts. He knows. He is angry all the time. He routinely tells me that he hates me, and I believe him. And while I want to defy his anger towards me (because I've burned my own life down trying to help him) I can not force myself to invalidate it. So far, it's an unsolvable problem. The system trains mothers to sacrifice their own children on the altars of sanitation against their own instincts, until the instincts are no longer there. And then we want to tell ourselves to be kind to ourselves because we don't know what we don't know. Well, we may not deserve the kindness.
Perhaps the only way out of the pain cycle is to destroy the system that created it. Dark thoughts, but perhaps that is the light at the end of the nightmare that covid began.
I understand how your son feels about things. How can you accept that you have been destroyed, that you'll never have a normal life because of what they did, that you'll always be the freak, damaged goods? It's an incomprehensible mixture of self-hatred and self-love, to utterly despise the Changeling Child and that you represent as that changeling child, knowing that everything you do/be/exist/think is the result of what they did to you - not even knowing if there even is a person, that is not the changeling child, inside of you - while granting yourself the value of not deserving this, not deserving to be/become/exist as the changeling child, the rage of deserving everything that you were denied , that was spoiled ?
We are having great success in our clinic with warm epsom salt soaks for detoxing and calming the nervous system. Magnesiumshoppe.com has good articles (and products). The magnesium component in epsom salts is supportive of brain, muscle and nerve function. Colloidal liquid minerals can be a great help in many situations (reversing Tourette's, etc.) All the best!
So many of us are changeling children. Very few realize that they lost their integrity, their wholeness, their potential to live a life true to their innate talents and brilliance due to toxic childhood vaccines.
I remember my mother telling me, when I was perhaps a teenager, or possibly older than that, "You were such a happy baby! You were always moving, active, vocalising, cooing, delighted to be alive and delightful to be with." I think she was as puzzled as I was as to what had happened to turn me into an unhappy, overly shy, difficult child. Now I know. What she said about my nature when I was a baby rang true when she said it, and it still rings true. I used to assume that bad parenting had ruined me, but I no longer believe that.
I too used to believe it was other things that ruined me.
Thank you for saying nice things about it. I didn't know if people would hate it because it is not the typical 'Cassandra's Box' material that people subscribe to read
Yes, and a lot of the stories of poltergeist phenomenon tend to surround a usually female girl who is made to feel bad about her natural body.
That's a recipe for disaster.
Here's some more interesting stuff on the current dynamic...
"Daimonic Reality by Patrick Harpur examines UFOs and a wide variety of “paranormal” phenomena from a rather unique angle. Although Harpur never fully defines the daimonic—“the daimonic that can be defined is not the true daimonic,” as Lao-Tse would say—it seems to exist both inside us and outside us. Like the Greek daemon and unlike the Christian demon, it takes both good/healing and bad/terrifying forms, depending on our commitment to rationalistic ego states.
In a sense, the daimonic is like the collective unconscious of Carl Jung, inside us as a part of our total self that the ego wishes to deny, outside us in all the other humans who ever existed and in the dreams, myths, and arts of all the world. But Harpur follows Irish poet (and Golden Dawn alumnus) W. B. Yeats as often as he follows Jung, and traces some of his ideas back to Giordano Bruno and the alchemical/hermetic mystics of the Renaissance. The daimonic is just a bit more personalized and individualized than Jung’s species unconscious.
Harpur’s major thesis is that unless we recognize the daimonic (make friends with it, Jung would say) it takes increasingly malignant and terrifying forms. For instance, the Greys of UFO abduction lore, he says, are deliberately mirroring our ego-centered and “scientistic” age—showing no emotions of the humans they experiment upon, just as the ideal science student feels no emotion and has no concern with the emotions of the animal being tortured in his laboratory."
Despite dealing with many subjects common to conspiracy theories, this book does not quite fit into that category. We are the conspirators, so to speak. We have repressed the most creative part of ourselves and now it is escaping in terrifying forms."
I took my kids to see a movie tonight. I sat next to my 10 year old, who can’t sit still. He rocks back and forth and moves constantly. But he has improved a lot in recent years and can kind of control his vocalizations so isn’t making noise constantly. But I had this eerie feeling about him tonight, while I tried to help him through the movie - like he was a different race of being than my other kids. I don’t usually feel that way about autism.
It’s a strange place to be in, to know you placed your kids on a conveyor belt that snatched the peace and well being from some of them. Snatched the very light out of their eyes.
I don’t believe in self-flagellation. I do believe in atonement, though. And it may never be enough.
The whole system is just evil and we all play along with it. I have as well. Had complicity in the system. You can't even 100% avoid it, pay your taxes and they will be used to man the conveyor belt. I cannot lie, I am incredibly bitter, and since finally realised that the monstrous practise of vaccination can never be anything other than a fraud all I want to do is destroy the system that created this
I have two autistic boys. One of them (the 10yo) is the boisterous kind. The kind that people have genuine affection for because he has genuine affection for other people. HIs older brother is the darker kind. The tortured kind. He hurts. He knows. He is angry all the time. He routinely tells me that he hates me, and I believe him. And while I want to defy his anger towards me (because I've burned my own life down trying to help him) I can not force myself to invalidate it. So far, it's an unsolvable problem. The system trains mothers to sacrifice their own children on the altars of sanitation against their own instincts, until the instincts are no longer there. And then we want to tell ourselves to be kind to ourselves because we don't know what we don't know. Well, we may not deserve the kindness.
Perhaps the only way out of the pain cycle is to destroy the system that created it. Dark thoughts, but perhaps that is the light at the end of the nightmare that covid began.
I understand how your son feels about things. How can you accept that you have been destroyed, that you'll never have a normal life because of what they did, that you'll always be the freak, damaged goods? It's an incomprehensible mixture of self-hatred and self-love, to utterly despise the Changeling Child and that you represent as that changeling child, knowing that everything you do/be/exist/think is the result of what they did to you - not even knowing if there even is a person, that is not the changeling child, inside of you - while granting yourself the value of not deserving this, not deserving to be/become/exist as the changeling child, the rage of deserving everything that you were denied , that was spoiled ?
I can't accept it, either.
We are having great success in our clinic with warm epsom salt soaks for detoxing and calming the nervous system. Magnesiumshoppe.com has good articles (and products). The magnesium component in epsom salts is supportive of brain, muscle and nerve function. Colloidal liquid minerals can be a great help in many situations (reversing Tourette's, etc.) All the best!
So many of us are changeling children. Very few realize that they lost their integrity, their wholeness, their potential to live a life true to their innate talents and brilliance due to toxic childhood vaccines.
I remember my mother telling me, when I was perhaps a teenager, or possibly older than that, "You were such a happy baby! You were always moving, active, vocalising, cooing, delighted to be alive and delightful to be with." I think she was as puzzled as I was as to what had happened to turn me into an unhappy, overly shy, difficult child. Now I know. What she said about my nature when I was a baby rang true when she said it, and it still rings true. I used to assume that bad parenting had ruined me, but I no longer believe that.
Your writing is very powerful.
I too used to believe it was other things that ruined me.
Thank you for saying nice things about it. I didn't know if people would hate it because it is not the typical 'Cassandra's Box' material that people subscribe to read
Yes, and a lot of the stories of poltergeist phenomenon tend to surround a usually female girl who is made to feel bad about her natural body.
That's a recipe for disaster.
Here's some more interesting stuff on the current dynamic...
"Daimonic Reality by Patrick Harpur examines UFOs and a wide variety of “paranormal” phenomena from a rather unique angle. Although Harpur never fully defines the daimonic—“the daimonic that can be defined is not the true daimonic,” as Lao-Tse would say—it seems to exist both inside us and outside us. Like the Greek daemon and unlike the Christian demon, it takes both good/healing and bad/terrifying forms, depending on our commitment to rationalistic ego states.
In a sense, the daimonic is like the collective unconscious of Carl Jung, inside us as a part of our total self that the ego wishes to deny, outside us in all the other humans who ever existed and in the dreams, myths, and arts of all the world. But Harpur follows Irish poet (and Golden Dawn alumnus) W. B. Yeats as often as he follows Jung, and traces some of his ideas back to Giordano Bruno and the alchemical/hermetic mystics of the Renaissance. The daimonic is just a bit more personalized and individualized than Jung’s species unconscious.
Harpur’s major thesis is that unless we recognize the daimonic (make friends with it, Jung would say) it takes increasingly malignant and terrifying forms. For instance, the Greys of UFO abduction lore, he says, are deliberately mirroring our ego-centered and “scientistic” age—showing no emotions of the humans they experiment upon, just as the ideal science student feels no emotion and has no concern with the emotions of the animal being tortured in his laboratory."
Despite dealing with many subjects common to conspiracy theories, this book does not quite fit into that category. We are the conspirators, so to speak. We have repressed the most creative part of ourselves and now it is escaping in terrifying forms."